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As most of you know, I have most of my poetry and photography in storage. (hundreds) I won't rehash the reasons.
I haven't been listening to music very much nor writing very much poetry, but I have posted a couple of poems that came to me recently.

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It's my fault. My own fault. My own most grievous fault. All the personal shit I've shared on facebook about my husband's journey with Alzheimers, caregiving, and my daughter and grandson. I foolishly vented and bitched and sought.....something. What I got, with some exceptions, is nosey, meddling, bitches who thought they were superior to me. They mistook my vulnerability for weakness. I had my privacy violated. "Oh, I didn't mention your name, but I asked my doctor, social worker or friend,....what you should do." They did not ask my permission first.  These people then proceed to tell me what is what. They send me phone numbers and links for all kinds of crap. It's almost always an effing wild goose chase. People feel they can google my problems and solve them from the anomymity of their computer screen. It is ALL my fault. I created the monsters and now I will disassemble them. I cannot believe the things folks have said to me. I expressed how facebook just isn't fun anymore. I used to use it to escape the stress of life and caregiving. Now it is just more of the same. I am sick to death of Alzheimer's inhabiting every corner of my life. I am not doing the walks and the fundraisers. It's all a crock. Everyone thinks if they just raise enough money....we will get a cure....especially for the younger onset variety. Fools. Their nickel.
Anyway, a woman told me if I was going to use facebook to bring people down then I shbouldn't post. EXCUSE ME. MY facebook page. NOT some support group page. And then there's support group dramas.....don't even want to go there. 
I'm not sure what there is left to do on facebook. Politics and religion are touchy issues for Americans. I've got conservative and liberal friends in both issues. I waiver. There's nothing left but to post an occasional song or funny cat meme. Junk, in other words. 
I"ve deactivated my facebook before and I'd find myself reaching for my phone the next morning wanting to log back in. Not today. I woke up with just as much anger as when I deactivated it last night. If firends want me they have my email and phone. And for those nosey bitches who keep bothering me who say they are "worried' why the hell are they worried. Do I seem that fucking fragile? Bite my ass bitches. If that is what you think, then you are gullible morons. 
There is so much I can do to fill my time that I avoid doing when I am constantly checking facebook. Reading, Writing, Making a life plan. 

There is a tinge of sadness knowing that certain "relationships" will fall by the wayside and die. I think it was meant to anyway. I wish him joy. 

As for Fargo, I'm so tired of the roller coaster of emotions. Some obstacles cannot be overcome. I want to return money but folks won't cooperate. They say keep it going. Idiots. Thinking positive only makes me make a fool of myself. No thanks. 

Yeah, I'm facing facebook. I'm facing the fact that I created the monster and now I must slay it. It's my fault and I will deal with the consequences. And for those that get pissed and unfriend me--well,  we weren't really friends anyway, my dears. 


the only online friendships that have lasted on facebook or otherwise are those that started right here on dA---where I belong. 
  • Mood: Anger
  • Listening to: The Actor--Moody Blues
  • Watching: Downton Abbey
  • Playing: house
  • Drinking: hot tea
I thought there was hope. I thought we were "this close" to moving to Fargo by the end of October, but past credit issues haunt and prevent us from having better medical care. My husband is going to die waiting on the damn state of Florida to give him Mediciaid. He's on the waiting list.

I've raised a decent amount of money. There was an article about us on Sept 8th in the local Fargo paper, Inforum. Then another in an online site called AlzLive. 

I tried to give up but folks say to keep trying. How can I overcome the past credit issues. I'm in overwhelm. Everyone has a great idea for a site I should check out. Wasted time. Chasing lost causes and rainbows.

I hate Florida.

My mom, also with advanced Alzheimers, is in the hospital getting  a pacemaker. What a stupid notion but my half brothers and sisters are in charge. If that were me, I'd want to die and be free of the body. I haven't lived with her since I was 8. She is my mother in name and biology only. 
  • Mood: Defeated
  • Listening to: Parachute -- Train
  • Watching: Downton Abbey
  • Playing: house
  • Drinking: Coke
I thought there was hope. I thought we were "this close" to moving to Fargo by the end of October, but past credit issues haunt and prevent us from having better medical care. My husband is going to die waiting on the damn state of Florida to give him Mediciaid. He's on the waiting list.

I've raised a decent amount of money. There was an article about us on Sept 8th in the local Fargo paper, Inforum. Then another in an online site called AlzLive. 

I tried to give up but folks say to keep trying. How can I overcome the past credit issues. I'm in overwhelm. Everyone has a great idea for a site I should check out. Wasted time. Chasing lost causes and rainbows.

I hate Florida.

My mom, also with advanced Alzheimers, is in the hospital getting  a pacemaker. What a stupid notion but my half brothers and sisters are in charge. If that were me, I'd want to die and be free of the body. I haven't lived with her since I was 8. She is my mother in name and biology only. 
  • Mood: Defeated
  • Listening to: Parachute -- Train
  • Watching: Downton Abbey
  • Playing: house
  • Drinking: Coke

Blanzeflor has limited the viewing of this artwork
to members of the deviantART community only.

You can log in or become a member for FREE!

deviantID

Blanzeflor
Imagining Flying
United States
Current Residence: My home is in my head. HOusTon to you.
Favourite photographer: Mattioli13, Erriewon, Tangledweb, Karil
Favourite style of art: fantasy, surreal, black & white photography
Operating System: estrogen and being ADHD
MP3 player of choice: part of the unwashed masses enslaved to the iPod cartel
Shell of choice: One with a pearl in it
Wallpaper of choice: Something easily removable--I hate commitment.
Skin of choice: younger
Favourite cartoon character: Mitsuru Kirijyo Scooby Saya & Hagi Sasake & Sakura Namine & Roxas
Personal Quote: Entering one’s study & touching the books can brighten one’s mood..King Chongjo
Interests
It's my fault. My own fault. My own most grievous fault. All the personal shit I've shared on facebook about my husband's journey with Alzheimers, caregiving, and my daughter and grandson. I foolishly vented and bitched and sought.....something. What I got, with some exceptions, is nosey, meddling, bitches who thought they were superior to me. They mistook my vulnerability for weakness. I had my privacy violated. "Oh, I didn't mention your name, but I asked my doctor, social worker or friend,....what you should do." They did not ask my permission first.  These people then proceed to tell me what is what. They send me phone numbers and links for all kinds of crap. It's almost always an effing wild goose chase. People feel they can google my problems and solve them from the anomymity of their computer screen. It is ALL my fault. I created the monsters and now I will disassemble them. I cannot believe the things folks have said to me. I expressed how facebook just isn't fun anymore. I used to use it to escape the stress of life and caregiving. Now it is just more of the same. I am sick to death of Alzheimer's inhabiting every corner of my life. I am not doing the walks and the fundraisers. It's all a crock. Everyone thinks if they just raise enough money....we will get a cure....especially for the younger onset variety. Fools. Their nickel.
Anyway, a woman told me if I was going to use facebook to bring people down then I shbouldn't post. EXCUSE ME. MY facebook page. NOT some support group page. And then there's support group dramas.....don't even want to go there. 
I'm not sure what there is left to do on facebook. Politics and religion are touchy issues for Americans. I've got conservative and liberal friends in both issues. I waiver. There's nothing left but to post an occasional song or funny cat meme. Junk, in other words. 
I"ve deactivated my facebook before and I'd find myself reaching for my phone the next morning wanting to log back in. Not today. I woke up with just as much anger as when I deactivated it last night. If firends want me they have my email and phone. And for those nosey bitches who keep bothering me who say they are "worried' why the hell are they worried. Do I seem that fucking fragile? Bite my ass bitches. If that is what you think, then you are gullible morons. 
There is so much I can do to fill my time that I avoid doing when I am constantly checking facebook. Reading, Writing, Making a life plan. 

There is a tinge of sadness knowing that certain "relationships" will fall by the wayside and die. I think it was meant to anyway. I wish him joy. 

As for Fargo, I'm so tired of the roller coaster of emotions. Some obstacles cannot be overcome. I want to return money but folks won't cooperate. They say keep it going. Idiots. Thinking positive only makes me make a fool of myself. No thanks. 

Yeah, I'm facing facebook. I'm facing the fact that I created the monster and now I must slay it. It's my fault and I will deal with the consequences. And for those that get pissed and unfriend me--well,  we weren't really friends anyway, my dears. 


the only online friendships that have lasted on facebook or otherwise are those that started right here on dA---where I belong. 
  • Mood: Anger
  • Listening to: The Actor--Moody Blues
  • Watching: Downton Abbey
  • Playing: house
  • Drinking: hot tea

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:iconschieben:
Schieben Featured By Owner Mar 8, 2014  Hobbyist Digital Artist
Happy Birthday! Have your cake and eat it too Party
Hope you have a good one! :) (Smile)
Reply
(1 Reply)
:iconbrokenopen:
BrokenOpen Featured By Owner Sep 19, 2013
I don't know if you will see this, or even if you remember me, but I just wanted to say that I am still alive and still remember you and Kirsten. Life has taken a crazy road for me and that is why I don't come on DA anymore. But I am still here and I wanted to say hi.
Reply
(1 Reply)
:iconben13th:
BEN13th Featured By Owner Sep 1, 2013  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
Thanks for faving my "What is beauty?" piece! 
Reply
:iconhamish-frost:
Hamish-Frost Featured By Owner Aug 26, 2013
thank you :heart:
Reply
:iconschieben:
Schieben Featured By Owner Mar 8, 2013  Hobbyist Digital Artist
Happy Birthday! :cake:
Hope you have a good one! :)
Reply
(2 Replies)
:iconice-or-fire:
ice-or-fire Featured By Owner Mar 7, 2013
Hello!:iconomgcakeplz:
Happy [early] birthday!
May the best of your wishes be the least of what you get!
Reply
(2 Replies)
:iconadrianna-grezak:
Adrianna-Grezak Featured By Owner Jan 1, 2013
Thank you for fav-ing my homage to MC Escher! Feel free to follow me on Facebook [link] by clicking the "Like" button!
Reply
:iconbirthdays:
birthdays Featured By Owner Mar 9, 2012
:woohoo: :party: :iconcakelickplz: !!! HAPPY BIRTHDAY !!! :iconcakelickplz: :party: :woohoo:

On behalf of the *birthdays team, I sincerely apologise that your greeting has arrived late this year.

We hope you had an awesome day with lots of birthday fun, gifts, happiness and most definitely, lots of cake! Here's to another year!

Many well wishes and love from your friendly birthdays team :love:

---
Birthdays Team
This birthday greeting was brought to you by: =icesis

Reply
:iconanime116:
anime116 Featured By Owner Mar 8, 2012  Student General Artist
happy birthday! i hope everything is going your way
Reply
:iconschieben:
Schieben Featured By Owner Mar 8, 2012  Hobbyist Digital Artist
Happy Birthday! :cake:
Hope you have a good one! :)
Reply
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