Since there's not a good app that I know of for deviantart, I waist most of my time on Facebook and Pinterest. It's only when I log back in here, that I am reminded of the halcion days where I felt such a sense of community and support both personally and as a creative person.
I got married in November. There's been rough patches but that's normal. I'm mature enough to stick them out but sometimes my husband says cruel things and my self esteem sinks low and my jealousy rages.
A couple months ago I found a facebook status from 2 years ago of his old girl "friend" , whom he said was ONLY a friend where he called her sexy and talented and creative and kind and generous etc. I told him this was not something you post to a casual friend and certainly not publicly on facebook. 'She's older than me. An artist, bipolar and a drunk. I called him on all this because I wanted him to just admit the truth. Well, truth that seemed obvious to me. That he had had a thing for her. Instead what ended up happening was him saying that she was talented and creative and I'm not. Well, I don't do collages but I do photography, and the photos I've taken of our farm are way better than any she took. My husband has only read a couple of my poems. Has no interest in looking at my deviantart page. He does not consider poetry to be "art." Well, of course, the old pig face ex "friend" is better at collages than I am. I don't do them.
He want on to say she was more kind and generous than I am etc. He told her in the facebook post that she was sexy then told me I'm not sexy and that is really an insult to a woman. Degrading. But he says I'm alluring. Granted, he doesn't like the slutty look because he's a devout Christian. I pointed out to him that one definition of sexy is that the person causes sexual arousal. Oh, NO, he didn't mean that about her.
What he did say was that he said those things to her to boost her self esteem. That she was at a very low point. Dear God in heaven. How in the hell does he think I feel 3 months later?????!!!!!
I guess some men really are that naive and clueless. I'm not good enough to be published but I've written a few good poems. I wish to God I could get ONE POEM published or something. He used to have a painting this woman had. Said she was famous in South Dakota. I found one mention of her on the internet. I wish I could get some sort of recognition for my poetry so I could show him and say, "see, I'm just as well known for my work in my little clique as pig face."
I just can't seem to get over this. I'll think I;'m over it for a week or two and then it comes back up in my throat and chokes me. Literally.
I've not written any new poetry. I've taken a couple of gorgeous pics of the farm here. I'll try to put one up.
I know my husband loves me but being compared to another woman....even though she's history.....anxiety attacks almost every night.....