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As most of you know, I have most of my poetry and photography in storage. (hundreds) I won't rehash the reasons.
I haven't been listening to music very much nor writing very much poetry, but I have posted a couple of poems that came to me recently.

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Since there's not a good app that I know of for deviantart, I waist most of my time on Facebook and Pinterest. It's only when I log back in here, that I am reminded of the halcion days where I felt such a sense of community and support both personally and as a creative person.

I got married in November. There's been rough patches but that's normal. I'm mature enough to stick them out but sometimes my husband says cruel things and my self esteem sinks low and my jealousy rages. 

A couple months ago I found a facebook status from 2 years ago of his old girl "friend" , whom he said was ONLY a friend where he called her sexy and talented and creative and kind and generous etc. I told him this was not something you post to a casual friend and certainly not publicly on facebook. 'She's older than me. An artist, bipolar and a drunk. I called him on all this because I wanted him to just admit the truth. Well, truth that seemed obvious to me. That he had had a thing for her. Instead what ended up happening was him saying that she was talented and creative and I'm not. Well, I don't do collages but I do photography, and the photos I've taken of our farm are way better than any she took. My husband has only read a couple of my poems. Has no interest in looking at my deviantart page. He does not consider poetry to be "art." Well, of course, the old pig face ex "friend" is better at collages than I am. I don't do them. 

He want on to say she was more kind and generous than I am etc. He told her in the facebook post that she was sexy then told me I'm not sexy and that is really an insult to a woman. Degrading. But he says I'm alluring. Granted, he doesn't like the slutty look because he's a devout Christian. I pointed out to him that one definition of sexy is that the person causes sexual arousal. Oh, NO, he didn't mean that about her. 

What he did say was that he said those things to her to boost her self esteem. That she was at a very low point. Dear God in heaven. How in the hell does he think I feel 3 months later?????!!!!!


I guess some men really are that naive and clueless. I'm not good enough to be published but I've written a few good poems. I wish to God I could get ONE POEM published or something. He used to have a painting this woman had. Said she was famous in South Dakota. I found one mention of her on the internet. I wish I could get some sort of recognition for my poetry so I could show him and say, "see, I'm just as well known for my work in my little clique as pig face."

I just can't seem to get over this. I'll think I;'m over it for a week or two and then it comes back up in my throat and chokes me. Literally.

I've not written any new poetry. I've taken a couple of gorgeous pics of the farm here. I'll try to put one up. 

I know my husband loves me but being compared to another woman....even though she's history.....anxiety attacks almost every night.....
  • Mood: Resentful
  • Drinking: Coke
I moved to South Dakota after my husband died. I worked as an activities' assistant in a nursing home and loved the residents dearly. I was barely making it financially. I met a man online and we got married 2 months later. Did we rush things? We don't think so but time will tell. We are different in religion. I am Anglican and he is a non church going Pentecostal type. Very different views on the Trinity and baptism etc. We have both been through hell in our lives. He's a good man and I I love him. I hope it's enough. 
  • Mood: Love
  • Watching: Downton Abbey
  • Drinking: Coke

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My husband Chris went home to be with the Lord on Thursday morning, March 26, 2015. You think you know how much you are going to hurt but you can't fully register it until it happens.

His Alzheimer's was going to take his life but it happened so much sooner and suddenly that I ever imagined. 

Now I am left devastated and regretting so much, wishing I had been a better wife when he was well. 

I am moving to South Dakota next week. Never been there but I have lady pastor friend who will help me get back on my feet. I covet your prayers. 
  • Mood: Sorrow

Blanzeflor has limited the viewing of this artwork
to members of the DeviantArt community only.

You can log in or become a member for FREE!

deviantID

Blanzeflor
Imagining Flying
United States
Current Residence: My home is in my head. HOusTon to you.
Favourite photographer: Mattioli13, Erriewon, Tangledweb, Karil
Favourite style of art: fantasy, surreal, black & white photography
Operating System: estrogen and being ADHD
MP3 player of choice: part of the unwashed masses enslaved to the iPod cartel
Shell of choice: One with a pearl in it
Wallpaper of choice: Something easily removable--I hate commitment.
Skin of choice: younger
Favourite cartoon character: Mitsuru Kirijyo Scooby Saya & Hagi Sasake & Sakura Namine & Roxas
Personal Quote: Entering one’s study & touching the books can brighten one’s mood..King Chongjo
Interests
Since there's not a good app that I know of for deviantart, I waist most of my time on Facebook and Pinterest. It's only when I log back in here, that I am reminded of the halcion days where I felt such a sense of community and support both personally and as a creative person.

I got married in November. There's been rough patches but that's normal. I'm mature enough to stick them out but sometimes my husband says cruel things and my self esteem sinks low and my jealousy rages. 

A couple months ago I found a facebook status from 2 years ago of his old girl "friend" , whom he said was ONLY a friend where he called her sexy and talented and creative and kind and generous etc. I told him this was not something you post to a casual friend and certainly not publicly on facebook. 'She's older than me. An artist, bipolar and a drunk. I called him on all this because I wanted him to just admit the truth. Well, truth that seemed obvious to me. That he had had a thing for her. Instead what ended up happening was him saying that she was talented and creative and I'm not. Well, I don't do collages but I do photography, and the photos I've taken of our farm are way better than any she took. My husband has only read a couple of my poems. Has no interest in looking at my deviantart page. He does not consider poetry to be "art." Well, of course, the old pig face ex "friend" is better at collages than I am. I don't do them. 

He want on to say she was more kind and generous than I am etc. He told her in the facebook post that she was sexy then told me I'm not sexy and that is really an insult to a woman. Degrading. But he says I'm alluring. Granted, he doesn't like the slutty look because he's a devout Christian. I pointed out to him that one definition of sexy is that the person causes sexual arousal. Oh, NO, he didn't mean that about her. 

What he did say was that he said those things to her to boost her self esteem. That she was at a very low point. Dear God in heaven. How in the hell does he think I feel 3 months later?????!!!!!


I guess some men really are that naive and clueless. I'm not good enough to be published but I've written a few good poems. I wish to God I could get ONE POEM published or something. He used to have a painting this woman had. Said she was famous in South Dakota. I found one mention of her on the internet. I wish I could get some sort of recognition for my poetry so I could show him and say, "see, I'm just as well known for my work in my little clique as pig face."

I just can't seem to get over this. I'll think I;'m over it for a week or two and then it comes back up in my throat and chokes me. Literally.

I've not written any new poetry. I've taken a couple of gorgeous pics of the farm here. I'll try to put one up. 

I know my husband loves me but being compared to another woman....even though she's history.....anxiety attacks almost every night.....
  • Mood: Resentful
  • Drinking: Coke

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:iconlady-yume:
Lady-Yume Featured By Owner Oct 25, 2014   Writer
Hello,

Thank you so much for wandering through my gallery and adding my work to your +devwatch!

Heart
Reply
:iconschieben:
Schieben Featured By Owner Mar 8, 2014  Hobbyist Digital Artist
Happy Birthday! Have your cake and eat it too Party
Hope you have a good one! :) (Smile)
Reply
(1 Reply)
:iconbrokenopen:
BrokenOpen Featured By Owner Sep 19, 2013
I don't know if you will see this, or even if you remember me, but I just wanted to say that I am still alive and still remember you and Kirsten. Life has taken a crazy road for me and that is why I don't come on DA anymore. But I am still here and I wanted to say hi.
Reply
(1 Reply)
:iconben13th:
BEN13th Featured By Owner Sep 1, 2013  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
Thanks for faving my "What is beauty?" piece! 
Reply
:iconhamish-frost:
Hamish-Frost Featured By Owner Aug 26, 2013
thank you :heart:
Reply
:iconschieben:
Schieben Featured By Owner Mar 8, 2013  Hobbyist Digital Artist
Happy Birthday! :cake:
Hope you have a good one! :)
Reply
(2 Replies)
:iconice-or-fire:
ice-or-fire Featured By Owner Mar 7, 2013
Hello!:iconomgcakeplz:
Happy [early] birthday!
May the best of your wishes be the least of what you get!
Reply
(2 Replies)
:iconadrianna-grezak:
Adrianna-Grezak Featured By Owner Jan 1, 2013
Thank you for fav-ing my homage to MC Escher! Feel free to follow me on Facebook [link] by clicking the "Like" button!
Reply
:iconbirthdays:
birthdays Featured By Owner Mar 9, 2012
:woohoo: :party: :iconcakelickplz: !!! HAPPY BIRTHDAY !!! :iconcakelickplz: :party: :woohoo:

On behalf of the *birthdays team, I sincerely apologise that your greeting has arrived late this year.

We hope you had an awesome day with lots of birthday fun, gifts, happiness and most definitely, lots of cake! Here's to another year!

Many well wishes and love from your friendly birthdays team :love:

---
Birthdays Team
This birthday greeting was brought to you by: =icesis

Reply
:iconanime116:
anime116 Featured By Owner Mar 8, 2012  Student General Artist
happy birthday! i hope everything is going your way
Reply
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