Until last night, I had been sleeping quite well and getting enough sleep. Even before last night, I began noticing weird things that I'm not sure what cause to ascribe to. I've been de-cluttering my closet. I'd sit in the floor of it to sort through junk and when I'd try to get up, I couldn't quite figure out how to position my legs and feet and hands. I don't think it's because I'm over weight, do you? It was like I was blank or confused for a long moment. Also, in the past few days I've been a great source of amusement to my family. One of the reasons is that I keep messing up my words. Everyone misspeaks, but I've been doing it a lot. Saying a "bl" instead of a "br" or slurring my words together. My husband laughs and says it's no big deal. Maybe it isn't. I'm not drinking these days and I'm not unusually stressed. We have enough food, the AC works, I've been sleeping well. Things aren't perfect but they've been worse.

I didn't even consider going to the Freedom Over Texas fireworks thing. I hate country music anyway, but it's supposedly the biggest land-based fireworks display in the nation. But they said today would be a record breaking 103 degrees--and that occurs after 4 p.m. Add to that my husband can't see well (needs new glasses) and so for him to drive our SUV in downtown traffic--isn't prudent. The main reason I didn't even consider it, however, is how over weight I am. I am ashamed and embarrassed and disgusted with myself and glad none of you can see me. My daughter is going with her boyfriend's family to the fireworks thing so that's good. They went to our neighborhood pool and so I decided to tape off the ceiling to her bathroom. I'd been asking her to do it for a week. All she does is complain that she's bored, doesn't have a car and therefore doesn't have a job and yet she does nothing to help me out. Typical teen--or at least I hope that's the case because that means she'll outgrow it. I want to paint her bathroom but the ceiling is a sky blue with white puffy clouds that have to go. I am not going to paint the walls the emerald green she wants, especially if she plans on moving out in a year or two. But I could not believe the state of her bathroom. I do not clean it for her. I refuse.


I got the deal on brisket yesterday so I thought I'd heat up the brisket (don't have a grill so I've got the freaking oven on) and make potato salad. I dropped the meat. Then when I put it in the oven, the pan tipped forward and the water dripped out everywhere. Then I tried to boil potatoes and eggs for potato salad. I totally blanked out the timers and didn't hear them when they went off so that's all over booked, I think. Now I can't find my prized Hungarian paprika. Lastly, I completely forgot baked beans or coleslaw.

Today has not turned out how I planned and I didn't expect much.

I am trying to be positive and not be so negative. I'm trying to be the Lauren that used to be so effortless for me to be. Even my husband and I are on different wavelengths. All he does is complain about Obama--sounding like a Republican. I'm with holding judgment on Obama. The Republicans had 8 years to do things like try to get health care but refused. Now I can't afford a minor doctor visit for anyone in my family.


At least we have food this 4th of July, and I think I live in the best country in the world. God bless the troops in Iraq and Afghanistan putting it on the line today. Some soldiers who were not citizens received their citizenship today. That has always blown my mind. My God, you put your life on the line for a country and hope that you make it back alive and get your papers. If not, I guess your family gets a check or a letter? I admire them. People like that are my heroes because they do stuff I'd never have the guts to do.

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