Blanzeflor

March is over. I hate March. Between my daughter's birthday and my birthday, even snow...nothing can obviate the darkness that is Chris' death anniversary. I spent Easter as I did Christmas. Alone. Scavenging the freezer since it's the end of the month. No candy Fred didn't want to bother. To him Easter is not legit since it's not in the Bible. Good grief. Why is it my totally non Christian friends are more thoughtful about Christmas and Easter than he is? I hang on to my faith by a thread or God hangs onto me by a thread. There's a song by Heize. Hold Me Back, from a Kdrama OST. It's filled with such longing. It perfectly reflects the couple's struggle in the drama. But the lyrics....stick in my throat. The words will have to echo for the eternity I must wait before I see Chris again.

My ex husband wanted to be friends on Facebook last year. I was hesitant because this had never gone well when we tried it in the past. Then, I came to understood why he was insistent He is dying. We communicate about our daughter. He was never involved in her life. He didn't know how. He frequently posts those FB quizzes that are so annoying. I guess he sleeps a lot and then is bored. The other day he posted talking about one leaves nothing behind but memories and asked his FB friends to post one word about how they met. I posted "motorcycle." Per the post, I posted it on my FB. Here he began posting details about our first meeting and date etc. Then he talked about after we were married and lived in Fort Lauderdale and how much fun we had there. You never expect your ex husband to reminisce fondly about your time together. I'm surprised his wife isn't snooping. She seems jealous and controlling. I don't know what it's like to have cancer and know you are going to die.

Wednesday was another horrible day for me and my family. One of the things is that I found out: my apartment is instituting a new policy that cats must be declawed. Animal abuse much. Not surprising in this damn state. I couldn't do that to any cat especially my sensitive eight year old kitty. It would kill her. I cannot betray her that way. What do I do? I don't have the money to move to another city but even if I did, how can I leave Fred and my daughter and grandchildren? I don't know what's going to happen. I'm pretty sure they want to convert this 55 plus community to market rate housing. I needed an escape. I've been watching a couple C dramas but I felt the need for a Kdrama. it's more familiar. More comforting so to speak. I randomly came across "Tell Me that You Love Me." I went into my FB group to ask opinions. Those who understand me said it's good but I should watch it another time. Why? Ultimately it has a happy ending. I watched the first and last episodes. It made me